The path less traveled (one can hope) !

aftergreatpain

“After great pain, a formal feeling comes—…”

I agree….

The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs –
The stiff Heart questions ‘was it He, that bore,’
And ‘Yesterday, or Centuries before’?
The Feet, mechanical, go round –
A Wooden way
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought –
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone –
This is the Hour of Lead –
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow –
First – Chill – then Stupor – then the letting go –

Ah to let go.  It is all mechanical. She had it so right. We move from moment to moment as if in a dream. It becomes so surreal…..

But we go on! We continue. Because we must! Yes, we do have a choice, and the choice is clear, at least to me, it is to go on…continue as best I can.  In a moment I feel like it is over; life as I know it! That this devastating thing, this horrendous moment in my life has caused my heart to cease beating;  at least beating for you. But it will continue to beat and it will get stronger as time passes….because I always have a choice.  That choice to lie down and succumb to the great sorrow, the pain of it all, or to get up and continue.
God gives us trials and tribulations to learn and grow from, I can bear that in mind as I start back on my journey. I can continue down this detour and get back out on the main road that leads to my destiny.
And so it is….that is where you will find me these days! Walking down that road, on my current detour, hitting a few bumps, and soon….soon, I will be back out on the main road.
And I will keep on walking….to reach my destiny.

It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I want To……..

its_my_party_and_ill_cry_if_i_want_to_invitation_card-p137181113710906858bh8ry_325

Let me preface this by saying this is coming from a personal place, not professional. I get wonderful feedback from the blogosphere and others, I am speaking from a personal standpoint regarding this!

On to the party!

Thats right, it’s time for a pity party! Woohoo!!  “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to! You would cry too if it happened to you!”

Well, I do not know if you would cry too but I like to think you would!  That does not sound right! But still……I mean, I am hurt! Genuinely hurt.  I will make this short and sweet and then I will move on never to speak of it again!

I write from my soul, as I said in my post earlier today! My writing is very important to me! I am an encourager by nature, and as such I truly appreciate what an encouraging word means to a person.

I am going to tell you something that I am not proud of…….the fact that nobody….n.o.b.o.d.y. encourages me in my writing! I have nobody that ever tells me they read my blog ( without me first having to ask) or tells me that they feel encouraged or touched by my writing. They never tell me I am good at it. Don’t get me wrong, if I have asked I get told some of these types of things.  But even my husband, who reads my blog, never tells me he enjoyed it, or didn’t, or that it may have been good or not. My family, my friends….nope, none of them. People who know that I want a meaningful career at this…nope! The only people who, by “liking” my posts seem to think maybe I have something to say, are you readers and fellow bloggers. And for that I do thank you!

So now I will step down off of my weeping box ( kind of like a soap box but for pity parties) and go back to doing what I love to do and do it for me. Which is what I was doing before. It just bothered me when I realized I have never received so much as a pat on the back for trying to realize my dreams!   But you know what is great about this?!  It doesn’t bother me all that much! ( once upon a time it would have really bothered me!)

But today I know It’s not about anyone but me and God.

Peace and Love~ Christine

P.S.- there is one person who told me recently that she reads my blog and likes it. If she is reading this, “thank you Jacky”  :)

Spiritual Awakening

Have you had your spiritual awakening?

Mine began in 2007 with a huge “aha” moment in August! But that was just the beginning. I think we all have huge moments which we can look back upon that have helped to define who we are or have become. That moment in August of 2007 was mine. I will never forget it.  To make a long story short…I was in a miserable place over 1000 miles away from my family ( except for my husband and oldest son) my life consisted of going to work and coming home. That was it! I had no happiness, I had no purpose. I was not even aware of the fact that there was a problem until God moved me 1000 miles away from my family! I guess that is the literal meaning of not being able to see the trees for the forest? Or is it forest for the trees? You get my point! ( this is one thing that apparently will never change about me, my unintentional but ever-present mixing and misquoting of metaphors!)  Anyway, it took being very far away from my family and totally miserable to have my aha moment, which led to my spiritual awakening! It was a song that I heard over and over again playing in my car whenever I would drive to work, but I wasn’t really hearing it….after about a week of this happening, all of a sudden I heard the words to the song….It was like the radio just turned up and I heard the words

” Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me “

“And I didn’t even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me”

and by the time they got to

“Even though the journey’s long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who’s gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I’ve been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God”

I was broken and saved all in the same moment!

I heard God speaking to me and He was telling me to go back home to Indiana!  He told me, in no uncertain terms, that not only did I not belong there in Florida, but that there was a lot of work to be done at home. So I went to our condo and told my husband that God said “it is time to go home to Indiana.” And we did. I quit my job 2 weeks later and 2 months after that we were back home and the real journey began!

And has yet to stop or even slow down……..

I love my life!~ C.F.Martin