It is your choice! Or is it?

 

When you hear people say “you are responsible for your past, present, and future.” Does that sit well with you? The whole “it is your choice” concept?

I have found that sometimes it rubs people the wrong way, because it is hard for them to face the truths, the truth about accepting responsibility for their own life.

Having said that, there are those who carry scars from childhood traumas, those people were not making choices! It was not this young persons choice to be abused, neglected,etc… the treatment they received was not a choice they made; and not one they need to accept responsibility for! Children are not of an age to make these choices, therefore they are victims and as such can’t take responsibility for what others have inflicted upon them.

What they can do is get healthy! Your future IS up to you and that IS your choice! When we become adults we are given the gift of choice. And how we choose to live the rest of our life, how we choose to react, this IS up to us! Do not let the one who hurt you WIN! It is now your choice! Be empowered! Start living your life! You can do it!

Step Back………But Not Out!

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Today I write about a “friends” perception of……..friendship!

I watch people, I like to watch people, I’m always amazed at how offended one can get when the truth is brought to their attention. The truth about what type of friend they are. This truth is not brought about by confrontation, rather it is brought about by another friend taking a step back from what they consider a less than balanced relationship; and the first friend noticing the “step back”.

In this particular scenario we have two friends; you (one friend) spend time nurturing your relationship with the other person or “friend”, why? Because you care about this person, you feel they are your friend and as such you cultivate a friendship. The word friendship may be defined in many ways by many people, and have varying degrees of relationship…. but I think we can all agree that when you get down to it, a friend in the broad sense, is someone with whom you share a relationship on some level.  That is about as basic a description as you can get. :)

What if after months or even years you seem to be the only one in the relationship who calls, writes, or seems to care about the other and you finally decide it is time to let go of the “friendship”.  is that OK?  YES.  BUT….and here is the rub …..when you do stop texting, calling, whatever….. the other person may get upset and declare you a bad friend!  It is their perception that you are being difficult, or whatever the case may be, and they get extremely offended that you are so unreasonable.

I have to say I see this a lot! So much so that I have arrived at this conclusion; when it comes to people we have to know when to take a step back and give them their space (without making any public declarations)  and be ready for anything!  And when and if they declare us as being a “bad” friend for not communicating (even though they NEVER replied to us) we have to be big enough to know this is just one of their weaknesses (character flaws??) and let it go! Move on. And I don’t mean move on out of their life. That is not necessary! Unless they are abusive, which is not what I am talking about here, there is no reason to banish people from our lives; just because they do not fit our mold of how a friend should communicate! We have to love people enough to not let this bother us. Have no expectations and you will never be disappointed!

I used to be of the mind that it was best to move on and forget these types of “friends”.  Now I am of the mind that all we can do is love people for who they are, faults and all, and if we truly do come from a place of love we can stop texting, calling, and chasing (nothing wrong with that!)  Then when they come around wondering why we are no longer “chasing” after their friendship (why we are such a bad friend)…..just love them enough to look beyond it and say ” I didn’t realize this was happening…of course I would love to meet for coffee!” and let it go.

I do not think we should ever lose a friendship or a “friendship” because of someones lack of consideration and nurturing. I do think we should not chase after them; because that will do nothing for our self-esteem!  What we need to do is after a while let it go and let them work on it; let them miss you. IF it is meant to be they will come to you; and yes they will more than likely say you are the neglectful friend….it is human nature to blame and wear blinders. We do not need to care about all that….just enjoy what time we have with each person we know….when they allow us to!  And again…..lose the expectations!  ;)

Just because we are willing to do so much for others, does not mean they will do the same. We can’t expect others to be US.  Get over it. Love them anyway……

And don’t sweat the small stuff! If this is the worst of it…..then count our blessings! ;)

My Life was a Cliche`!

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When I was a teenager I was that typical girl with daddy issues who sought out love in all the wrong places….I was a cliche`!  What I did not know, or even care to know, is that my life experiences were grooming me to live my life purpose. As time has passed and I matured I came to understand, not without great effort on my part, that I was put here to (experience and) teach Love. So it makes perfect sense that I should spend the first 1/4 or so of my life seeking Love in all the wrong places.  I learned what love is and what it is not.

Now I’m a teacher of love.  This is my life purpose. Life has made its complete circle. And I am no longer a cliche` !