Can I Practice what I Preach!?

love2

Yesterday I was asked if there was anyone in my life with whom I have had trouble or who I am in conflict with at this time. I said…”no”. I search my heart and soul daily for any transgressions I may have caused or for transgressions I feel were caused by others. So I said with confidence ” I have no conflicts; I am good!”

And that would be a great ending to a story which hasn’t even got started…but it is not the ending; here is the beginning.

Last year, almost to this date, I had a huge conflict in my life. In my eyes this conflict was life changing. And I had no idea if I would recover the relationship; ever. The first thing I knew, after about a week, was that I was being tested. I knew this deep within my soul as if the angels whispered it in my ear. So I held on. Life did not get easier, life was filled with unbelievable challenges as I tried to bridge this huge, no, gigantic gap that this person had created in our relationship! And I continued to hang on. As the months passed I learned another thing, I wasn’t going to get any answers that satisfied my questions. Was that acceptable?
I now realize this was the second time in as many years that this has happened to me. Now granted the one from two years ago was nothing compared to this….but it had the same repercussions as this one in so much as I was never going to get any answers to the “why” of it all.

Again…was this acceptable to me? Could I survive and stay in this relationship?

Yesterday may have been my AHA moment of the year! When I was asked this question I really felt it was a true and honest answer that I gave, But as we talked I realized I did, I do, have an ongoing conflict in my life! I guess I had gotten used to it all. But when I started thinking about it I realized, lately, I have thought it is time to let go of this anger, resentment, and my need to know why. My need to know why always keeps me stuck in anger or hurt (fear) for a lot longer than I should be.
So what was the real lesson here? Forgiveness or learning to “let go?” I think I have the forgiveness down..otherwise I would probably have left the relationship last year after this happened. I believe I am practicing unconditional love and I feel good about that. But my lesson, my big lesson here is the letting go. That is what I needed to learn more than anything. The forgiveness was a validation that I have grown; I am who I claim to be. I can walk my talk!
Ahhhhh…but the letting go! I know how to let go….I just wasn’t ready to do it.

And God has told me that the letting go is the only block standing in my way today! The block that is keeping me from realizing exactly who I am and what I can do and will do in this world.

Bottom line here is that the thought of living to my full potential far outweighs any need for answers or any resentment, anger, grudge, etc…….

So this is ME…letting it go!

It may be unberable and impossible to understand……….

Prayers for the SURVIVORS

 

But…..we all have to make our life choices. And we have to bear the responsibility for those choices. And us; the survivors; have to accept their choices and try to learn to live with them.

When a mind is dealing with depression; then the entire issue becomes cloudy and maybe even harder to ever receive closure.

It is a sad, sad place to be, this place where you feel your only choice is to end it.  We must figure out a way to accept that it isn’t/wasn’t about us……  this is what we strive for.  It is what I strive for…..

To all those who’ve been affected by suicide…to all the survivors; my prayers are with you.

The Courage of a Lion!

lion photo: Lion Lion.jpg

The things that hold us back from living the life we so want to live…..or the life God wants for us.  The list……..

1) Fear

Huh….that is all I got!

Fear is the one thing that holds us back…even if that fear is wrapped up in apathy or ambiguity…I believe it all boils down to fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of others, fear of change, fear of happiness…because we feel unworthy.  Yup…I believe it all comes down to fear in one form or another.

So let us ask for courage!  Affirmations & prayers! All need to ask for courage!

“I AM courageous! I AM fearless! I AM worthy!”

Dear God, Give me the courage to live my life in the way YOU would want me to! Let me face this life with a fearless nature; one that will stop at nothing to help others and create change!  Thank you for the courage of a lion!  Thank you for a life of fearlessness!  Thank you for the courage to know it is better to live a life of passion, to help others and create change, than to succumb to the “what ifs” of this world and the unknown! ~ Amen!

So let’s all go out and be a LION!